Leaders Who Last - Do these 4 things.
In this article, I want to share four ideas you should pay attention to if you wish to have a lasting leadership. Especially at this time when so many leaders are opting out because of pressures, demands and unhelpful expectations from others as they find themselves in the public arena of life.
I aim to make this post a common sense practical guide of what you should and should not do following these four golden rules. I have once heard it said, “the problem with common sense is that it is not common enough,” I agree! We can spend our time chasing the magic formula or the silver bullet that fixes everything to discover it does not exist.
This post’s inspiration comes from the following book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.
Here are three reasons why you should pay attention to the four golden rules:
Our world needs leaders that last.
You have something unique to offer.
You owe it to yourself to go the distance.
1. Be impeccable with your words
The word impeccable means "not capable of sin," from French impeccable (15c.) or directly from Late Latin impeccabilis "not liable to sin."
When we hear a phrase like, ‘be impeccable with your words’, our attention goes typically to how we treat others with our words. Are we hurting them or helping them. Whilst this is important to think about, we would do better to direct our attention to how we speak to ourselves. What narrative is taking place when it comes to your own life? Are we speaking words that hurt or help?
This question becomes more real when we have just done something, given a talk, written an article, mentored a younger team member. It is here that our self-critic rears it’s ugly head and can begin to bring doubt or judgement. At this point, you must decide if you will listen to these words or change the storyline.
“One way we can avoid or quit negative self-talk is to coach ourselves through the issue as if we were giving someone else advice, but using our own name as that “someone”. We essentially, trick ourselves into thinking we are talking about someone else. When we do this, we leverage the power of language to help us break free of a negative thinking pattern and shift our perspective.”
Once we have created the habit of healthy self-talk then; and only then should we turn our attention to those around us, asking the question, “am I impeccable with my words to others”?
Imagine if your thoughts and words were magically sent to everyone in your contact list at the end of each day, how would you feel? Although this sounds harsh, it is a helpful filter to allow us to consider our words. Those who speak badly to themselves and others don’t last long as no one wants to be around negative people.
2. Don’t take it personally
This is a tricky one in leadership as sometimes those you seek to help may take advantage and say or do something personally towards you. So what should you do?
We should take the higher road. It may be that someone has said something to you or your family that may seem hurtful rather than helpful, but this is a reflection of who they are not of whom you are. It is better to take the high road and realise that your life does not count on how others think about you but rather how you feel about yourself.
Psychologist Henry Cloud gives some insightful ideas around what he calls the 3 Ps of healthy leadership.
Don’t take it personally
When faced with life challenges, Cloud explains the brain processes it in a personal “I am not good enough” sort of way (i.e. “something is wrong with ME”) rather than something is wrong with them.
Don’t believe it is pervasive
This is when it goes from that one situation to EVERYTHING (“all my customers don’t like me,” or “all my co-workers don’t like my leadership.” At this point, we think it is everywhere and with everyone.
Don’t think it is permanent
When going through challenges, the overwhelming thought is often, “this is the way it will always be”.
If we pay attention to these three p’s and address them with perspective and truth, they will help you last as a leader.
3. Don’t make assumptions
How many meetings have you been in when someone has assumed something that is simply not true. Or, how many times have you made assumptions about a situation or a person that was not true? The best way to combat this is to ask clarifying questions and seek out the facts. If there are no facts, you are most likely making an assumption that will cause you to waste your energy and time.
In my leadership experience, I have succumbed to this on more than one occasion to the point where it has even caused me sleepless nights. As a leader who has been on the road for a while now, I may make assumptions momentarily then find myself asking the clarifying questions that put an end to unhelpful assumptions. At the start of my leadership journey, I was not so hot on asking clarifying questions that sometimes left me thinking the worst rather the best about life situations.
4. Always do your best
We must practise what has been termed, HOT leadership. This is when we are brutally honest, open and transparent with ourselves. Did I do my best? If the answer is yes, you should choose to be at ease and silence the inner critic. If you get that niggling feeling when you know you have not done your best then you must use this as prompt to make sure you do your best the next time.
Knowing you have done your best is so important when it comes to decision making. You may make some decisions in life that could have been better, and it is here that we must learn from the process. No one makes the best decisions all the time. However, when we know we have done our best, we should be at ease as life is to short to get worked up about what you did not know at the time.
The 4 D’s of decision making may help you to make better decisions on key ideas.
Data - do you have enough data to make the decision.
Discuss - have you discussed the idea with trusted people on your team.
Defer - do you need to defer the decision.
Dump - do you need to dump the idea.
Wrapping Up
I aimed to provide four practical steps to help you last as a leader. So I to pay attention to these four fundamental principles:
Let your words help and not hurt.
Don’t drink the deadly poison of others.
Ask clarifying questions.
Always do your best.
Remember the world needs you to last as a leader and don’t give up prematurely because of what others may think about you. Keep going for it because you have something unique to offer that no one else can.
Thanks for reading. Look out for my next post when I consider the brevity of life and why we should make the most of every opportunity.
Recommended reading for further insights*
Question
Do You Want To Pick My Brains?
I have been in a leadership role for 20+ years. Let me know if I can help you in any way in your leadership journey.
