Its Futile!!
I am excited about this post but also a little nervous at the same time. Why? I want to write about the following phrase that I heard recently. Reassurance is Futile. I listened to this from Seth Godin’s latest book, The Practise on audible which is one of my favourite ways to find books insights.
I love this phrase, maybe because of the association to the Startrek reference from the alien species the Borg. Resistance is futile! It sends shivers down my spine just hearing those words.
The tension we face is that we so often look for reassurance from those around us for the work we create. We crave to hear those words, to see that look from our spouse to say well done for even the simplest of tasks. “Well done, you have taken out the rubbish to the bin”, or “Well done you have cut the grass”. Have we become too needy?
In a recent talk, I gave at IKON church in our series called 40 days of Freedom I explained how the need for approval and reassurance from others has gone crazy. (I have added this to the bottom of the blog if you wish to watch) My suggested test to see if we have fallen prey to this was simple. Track how long you can go without picking up your mobile phone to check your email or social feed. We indeed have become conditioned to the need to be assured and liked by others.
The problem with waiting for reassurance from others is when it does not come, we can begin to lose confidence in what we have done. When we live to be fuelled by the approval of others, then we may never step out to do anything new because we don’t think we are ready.
This could be what you are experiencing right now as you read these words. You want to do something new, exciting, or different, but you feel you should not move until the approval and assurance comes. If so, here are two ideas that may help you as they have helped me in my leadership so many times in the last 20 plus years.
Paint Anyway
“If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means, paint and that voice will be silenced.”
I love this quote because it gives us the freedom to dream, to express and to do what our inner voice or the external voice of others say we should not do. We often have that voice in our head saying don’t do that no one will like it. Or don’t do that, you are wasting your time.
The key is to paint anyway. To get up and do something, write something, paint, something makes something share something. Instead of waiting for reassurance before we even begin. As reassurance is futile!
It takes courage to move beyond the fear of inaction and create a bias to action. We don’t have to look too far these days to be inspired by those who ignore the need for approval and assurance from others and just did what they wanted to do, even when it was the first of its kind.
Now, let me explain! There is nothing wrong with approval or being reassured by others for what we have done as we all need encouragement, the issue arises when we become depended on this to fuel and motivate us to action.
The Confidence
competence loop
What I am not saying is we must be super confident in everything we do, wearing the magic cape of confidence and parading it around the world as confidence is relative. When we get up and ‘paint anyway’, then we begin to gain confidence that we can do something. The more we do that task, the more confident we become. This is known as the confidence - competence loop.
To gain that confidence, the solution is simply to have a go and not to give up at the first hurdle or bump on the road.
The book, The 15 commitments of consciousness leadership by Jim Dethmer, explains that we must not become fixed on that which is out of our control. We should not outsource the need for approval and reassurance from others but instead, realise that we have what it takes.
At the start of this post, I said I was a little nervous about writing this, and the reason for this is? We all need encouragement from others, and we should all be ready to give encouragement to those around us but don’t let the lack of encouragement or reassurance stop you from doing what you want to do.
So what have you been dreaming about doing? Maybe starting that new job, writing a book or telling someone you care about them, leading your team with a new vision of the future?
The bottom line is this, we should not wait for or crave reassurance from others before we have a go, or before we paint. It will often start with us first, and after that, encouragement will come from taking those brave steps and maybe even from others.
If you hear that voice that says, do not paint, paint anyway.
Thanks for reading
